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January 22, 2012 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Thanks to the advent of technology, driving in the car with children for hours on a long trip is a lost art. Gone are the days when the kids would sit in the back seat taunting each other incessantly, poking each other mercilessly and drooling on your sister as Dad threatened to pull the car over on the side of the road. Now the kids simply put on their headphones, turn on the iPod and watch a movie on the DVD player. Where did all the fun go? Slug Bug. |
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January 18, 2012 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) You're eco-sensitive about almost everything in your life. You drink out of a reusable plastic bottle, you recycle everything you can and you even have a composting bin in the backyard. Why not take it one step further and just not wear any underwear. That way you can reduce the amount of laundry you have to do and conserve water at the same time. Lesbians will still find you just as sexy as if you were wearing only a thong. |
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January 15, 2012 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Going to the gynecologist is a clinical experience. There is nothing sexual about it in any way. Just because the doctor lubes you up, hunts around obsessively for your G-spot and leaves you all wet and messy on the table by yourself after they're done. Of course, that doesn't mean that you and your lady can't play "gynecologist" in the privacy of your own home. Especially if she's the Dildo Whisperer. |
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January 4, 2012 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Monogamy is not a bad thing...unless you're having a long-term monogamous relationship with yourself. We're not just talking about a personal time-out, that you're just in between relationships, or even if you're waiting for the right time. It's when you're approaching 50 and have never had sex with anyone but yourself that it's time for a tall bottle of rum and $150. Don't forget the tip. |
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January 1, 2012 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Sooner or later everyone steps in it. Try as we might to maintain our composure in every situation and to always do the right thing, it's going to be unavoidable at some point. May as well get that apology together right now so that you can sound sincere when you really need it. Take a moment now to record your apology in advance, loop it so that it plays over and over again, and then pull it out when you really need to make an apology and you just don't think you can sound sincere. You'll thank us later. |
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December 28, 2011 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Some people eat mushrooms, some people study mushrooms, some people grow mushrooms, and others simply manage by the mushroom principle -- keep 'em in the dark and feed 'em crap. |
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December 21, 2011 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Families that shoplift together stay together, even if it's only staying in jail together. So, next time you're out shoplifting, grab the baby, pick up grandma from the home and get all your cousins to join you. Make sure you start in the meat aisle, grab the most expensive cuts of meat you can find, and stick it all in the baby's diapers. Don't forget to pick up a bottle of Cristal on your way out the door. Happy Holidays. |
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December 18, 2011 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) The average woman has a period 520 times in her lifetime. That assumes 13 cycles per year at 28 days per cycle, and bleeding from ages 12 to 52. If the average woman uses 25 tampons per cycle, that works out to about $8 per cycle, for a total cost of $4,200. Add in the cost of panties that had to be tossed out because of an accident or two for another $1,000. Plus, another $1,200 for Midol. Now we have something practical to rally around in the upcoming election season - a tax break for having to menstruate. |
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December 14, 2011 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Being a responsible dog owner is a big commitment. You have to make sure you feed your pets every day, give them fresh water to drink and a nice cozy place to sleep. You have to keep up on shots and regular vet visits, and give your pet plenty of exercise for a nice, fulfilling life. Most importantly, if someone else's dog takes a crap on your front lawn, you have to pick it up and fling it into their yard to help teach them how to become a responsible pet owner, too. |
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December 11, 2011 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Moving beyond hot dogs and french fries can be a scary thing. It takes a big person to get out of their food comfort zone and to try new things. Once you do, however, you realize that the world has a lot of interesting and new foods to offer. You'll also come to realize that there really is a reason people call Lesbian sex, "bumping clams".The first time you open up a steamed clam...you finally understand that it does look kind of like a vagina. |
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December 5, 2011 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) There are few things more disturbing than thinking about sweaty balls...except perhaps thinking about having sweaty lips. Now that the holidays are upon us, do a friend a solid and find some Clean Balls or Lip Clean. Wrap it up into a sexy little package and make it your special secret gift between you and the one you love this holiday season. The world will be a better place. |
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November 28, 2011 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) It's that wonderful time of the year! Time to go shopping with all the crowds at your favorite stores to pick up a butt load of gifts for everyone on your list. Pack up your kids, the taser, the pepper spray, and maybe a knife just for good measure. Head over to Wal-Mart so that you're there as soon as the doors open at midnight. Then just unload a huge cloud of pepper spray across the crowd blocking your way, pick up that X-Box and head to the cash register. After all that hard work, you definitely don't want to get picked up for shoplifting. |
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November 20, 2011 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Your first time with a boy or a girl should be a special moment and it shouldn't be something you rush into or take for granted. You'll want to wait until you're in love and the moment is right for both of you. You'll know when the moment is right, even if the "moment" lasts only 15 seconds...or it feels like having a watermelon between your legs. Don't worry...it gets better. |
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November 16, 2011 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) In this modern day and age it's almost unbelievable to imagine that people could have actually cooked a meal before the advent of microwave ovens. It's hard to even fathom that people used to really cook on a stove and wait patiently for water to boil. It's a good thing there are still drive thru's or else we'd all die of starvation. |
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November 13, 2011 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) It's important for every Lesbian to have a set of basic standards for dating women. The standards don't have to be high, they just have to meet some minimum basic requirements. She can be a "three" in the looks department as long as she can rock your socks off in between the sheets. But, if she has the personality of a naked mole rat and she stinks like Limburger in bed, it really doesn't matter if she has the only piece of software you need in the universe to finish your term paper. The Ho has got to Go. |
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November 9, 2011 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) The locker room doesn't have to be a place of fear and trepidation about taking your clothes off around other girls. It doesn't have to be a place that smells like sweaty socks and dirty underwear. And, it certainly doesn't have to be the place of Roxanne's depraved fantasies about hot steamy sex. See what it's all about by visiting the Locker Room Girls at lockerroomgirls.blogspot.com. |
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November 6, 2011 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) It's not just straight people that have lingering questions they want to ask Lesbians. Gay men are also sometimes curious about the things Lesbians say and do. At least they know enough to call the Lesbians on moving day. That way they know they'll have a truck and some big strong Dykes to help move all that heavy antique and designer furniture. |
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